Opening Credits

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Introduction

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PART 1 LOVIN', TOUCHIN', SQUEEZIN', CHEATIN', AND COMPLAININ'

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Chapter 1: OK Stupid, There Are Plenty of Fish Who Don't Want Your Dick Pics

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Chapter 2: I Have Issues with Your Toxic Love-Language Jargon

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Chapter 3: "I Deserve"

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Chapter 4: Honey, I Shrunk My Balls

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Chapter 5: Double Dates

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Chapter 6: The Hall Pass

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Chapter 7: "You Should Love Me No Matter What"

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PART 2: TRIGGA' PLEASE

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Chapter 8: Uptighty Whitey

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Chapter 9: Angry "Patriotic" Guy

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Chapter 10: The Wokey Pokey

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Chapter 11: If You Want My Body and You Think I'm Sexy, It's Probably Sexual Harassment

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Chapter 12: Fattitude

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Chapter 13: Gender Extender

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Chapter 14: Patty Party Pooper

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Chapter 15: Buns N' Poses

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Chapter 16: Demi's Not So Sweet N' Low-Key Meltdown

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PART 3: DROPS OF STUPIDER

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Chapter 17: #YachtCocaineProstitutes and Chad

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Chapter 18: Keeping Up with the Kardoucheians

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Chapter 19: Pray the Gay Away Camp

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Chapter 20: Slutty Terms of Endearment

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Chapter 21: Leader of the Pack Attack

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Chapter 22: Ain't that Classy?

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Chapter 23: If You Unlock It, They Will Come ... and Kill You, You Big Dummy

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Chapter 24: The Dumb Jury's In: Even If It Fits, They'll Still Acquit

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Chapter 25: Adult Babies

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Chapter 26: Don't Judge

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PART 4: I'M SO OVARY YOU

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Chapter 27: Andrea Newman

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Chapter 28: You Must Love the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

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Chapter 29: The View

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Chapter 30: Pretty Funny

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Chapter 31: Chick Flick Schtick

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Chapter 32: Who's the Boss Bitch

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Chapter 33: The Girl Next Door ... to the Plastic Surgeon

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Chapter 34: Vagisil Val

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PART 5: AIN'T THAT A SHAM

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Chapter 35: Fakebook

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Chapter 36: Pride and Prejudice, and Parades

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Chapter 37: America's Got Talent-Show Sob Stories

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Chapter 38: A Donation In Your Name

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Chapter 39: The Kids Are All White: Annoying White Kid Names

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Chapter 40: Meatless Meat

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Chapter 41: The Rock and Roll Hall of Lame

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Chapter 42: AA: One A at a Time

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Chapter 43: The Big Lie: "Hello, My Name Is Toby. Thank You for Calling Customer Service"

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Chapter 44: Hallmark: When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best to the Very Worst

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Chapter 45: HR

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Chapter 46: Sorry Celebrities

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PART 6: DOUCHEBAGS, ASSHOLES, AND OTHER THINGS THAT STINK

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Chapter 47: Gender Reveal Zeal

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Chapter 48: Office Barbs

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Chapter 49: Don't Work with the Public If You Can't Keep Your Shitty Attitude Private

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Chapter 50: Abusers, Racists, and Homophobes, Oh My

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Chapter 51: Shopping Cart Shitheads

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Chapter 52: License to Parent

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Chapter 53: Concert Curmudgeons

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Chapter 54: The O.G. (Original Groper): Cosby, Cosby, Puddin' Pie. Kissed the Girls, Drugged Them, and Made Them Cry

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Chapter 55: Mama June

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Chapter 56: Footprints In the Sand-Colored Carpet

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Chapter 57: Joke Thieves

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Chapter 58: Public Maskurbation

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Chapter 59: The Shorts-All-Year-Long Guy

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Chapter 60: You're So Vanity Plate, I Bet You Think This Rant Is about You

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Chapter 61: Psycho Tits Teigen

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PART 7: I BE MIFFED, BOTHERED, AND BEWILDERED

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Chapter 62: People Who Hate the Word "Hate"

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Chapter 63: Celebrity Couple Nicknames

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Chapter 64: Buzz(kill)words

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Chapter 65: Group Stuff

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Chapter 66: The Dirt on Clean Comedy

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Chapter 67: Nosy Neighbors

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Chapter 68: We're Pregnant

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Chapter 69: This Email

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Chapter 70: Word Turds

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Chapter 71: Daylight Savings

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Chapter 72: You Can't Ring My Bell

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Chapter 73: Get the Fuck Out of My DMs

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PART 8: JUST GROSS

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Chapter 74: Tittoo

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Chapter 75: Skank You Very Much

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Chapter 76: Hoarders without Borders

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Chapter 77: Flirty Family Feud

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Chapter 78: Immoral Hygiene

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Chapter 79: Your Twerking Ain't Working

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Chapter 80: Baby Sniffers

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Chapter 81: Brotox

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Chapter 82: Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina Candle

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Chapter 83: I Don't Love It When We're Cruising Together

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Chapter 84: Look Ma, No Hands! (Except When I Cough and Sneeze Into Them)

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Chapter 85: Your Kiss Is on My Shit List

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Chapter 86: Swipe Left but Wipe Front to Back

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Chapter 87: Guys Who Wax Below the Slacks

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Chapter 88: Did You Ever Know That You're My Hair-O?

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PART 9: THAT'S NOT ALL SHE WROTE

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Chapter 89: The Death of Eddie Van Halen

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Chapter 90: The Red Shirt, Black Tie Combo

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Chapter 91: You Might Be a Slut. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

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Chapter 92: If at First You Don't Succeed at Murder, Try, Try Again

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Chapter 93: Somewhere over the Rainbow, I Want to Strangle You with Your Ukulele

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Chapter 94: Friends ... with Vaginas

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Chapter 95: Parking Spot Twats

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Chapter 96: Artie Farty Had a Political Party and All the Blowhards Were There

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Chapter 97: You Can Call Me Al If I Can Call You Al

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Chapter 98: Howard Be Thy Name

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Chapter 99: Hey Diddle Diddle

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Chapter 100: The Unfuckables

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AND ANOTHER THING ...

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The Best of the Rest

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100 Things I Love

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Ending Credits

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